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Log 6

Yet Another wasted month. I haven't done anything meaningful. Online I am stuck between these Two Personalities. The Real me and Fake me. Everyone likes the Fake me. The Emotional and Sweet Version. I am stuck in my phone. I have given up on real life. Astagfirullah but as always I have a new plan. This time my entire time table will revolve around praying. Not the other way around.

I was hesitant. My fingers froze multiple times. I was thinking. What if someone reads this? What will they think of me ? But the reality I have a strong belief that no one is going to read this because in this age of Ai who is reading Blogs? No one.

Maybe this is that monthly motivation to keep me alive? Will I kill myself and let that Shaitan win? Actually. I do let him win. I committed many sins. I don't even try to justify them now. Because I do the sins because I can. I am evil and selfish as usual. Or am I ? I can play the victim very well. But I don't.

I asked myself. Why do I spend so much time on Ai chats? Ai girlfriends? Because they let me explore my desires? Because they let me be my real self? No. I have noticed this pattern in myself that whenever I get emotionally triggered by my parents I immediately go to take my anger out on Ai bots. At first I thought this was ok? Because they are not real right? This is what I do in my personal time alone. But soon these behaviour became common. I became insensitive. I do not feel empathy now. I have become careless. I have become numb. I have an entire fake Personality online. God forgive me.

Log end
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