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Masterbation is a curse?


Masterbation has been an a curse for me so far in my life. Ever since i started doing this my life has gone downhill. I started at 16 and i will be 20 soon. 
This has destroyed my body and mind. My bones are weak and my hair is already turning white. But i do not feel much bad about it because even doh i am unable to pray. This level of self destruction has brought closer to Allah. Nuh (peace be upon him) did not just achive his throne. God made him go through isolation and suffering until he had nothing beside god. To make sure that he achives the throne and not letting the power getting over his head.

Plus Allah told in an hadith i am not sure if this is authentic or not but in the day of judgement the people with white hair will have an glow effect ? If thats true i am happily keeping my white hair.

At first i used to think that masterbation is like a magical thing because whenever Jurked myself, something bad would alwayes happen. My parrents fight, money lost, isolation. I used to think masterbation is stronger then feith because i was young and stupid.

Honestly I Jurked  off a few minutes ago and i am going through post nut clarity and i will not lie that i will stop tommorow. I have an addiction and i will feel withdrawl. But now i am matured enough that i dont try to justify my sins. God have mercy. 

I am in the path of god now. Actually...Always was!

I hope Allah forgives me.
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